[on motherhood]

...and even saying that word, "mother," all the while knowing the title belongs to me is still so surreal. And oh so real all at once! Two months ago my sweet husband and I chatted about this baby boy as if he would never come, and there was a point where I truly thought he would never come. And here he is! 

Paxton James Bartholomew 

February 16, 2013

4:15 pm

7 lbs. 11 oz.

perfect in every way

child of God

precious miracle

These past weeks have been the very, very best of our lives. Happiness seems too light of a term, but it is just that: we are so very happy. Exhausted? Absolutely. Pure bliss? Every day. I had every intention of updating the blog as soon as little Pax arrived, but until now it has been nearly impossible to find the right words to say. Still is, but I'll give it my best shot. 

I have a list for everything, and find myself jotting down random scattered thoughts throughout my day. So I will share some of them that I wrote very soon following the days after Pax's birth. Bear with me...

To Pax:

bringing you home was so wonderful... our lives seem so complete with you
...
the sweet little noises you makes are delicious, I think I kiss you eighty times a day
...

some of your other noises (when you're trying real hard to get something out of you) make your dad and I belly-laugh so hard
...

no one told me breastfeeding would be this... hard. painful. time consuming.
...

we have never been so tired in our lives
...

you are only 8 days old and I am so excited about life! You, your dad, where God will lead us
...

how do we still function throughout the day on no more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep?
...

I look forward to feeding you now, it is such a sweet time
...

sometimes you even start smiling right before feeding... melt my heart
...

other times you literally chew on me and that doesn't melt my heart
...

we pray for you constantly... even for your future wife
...

what if I don't like your girlfriend one day? That's a terrible thing to think
...
lack of sleep will make you do and say some crazy things. your dad has so much patience with me
...

I maintain a pretty tough skin, but not with you little one... I cry at the drop of a hat
...

you look so small in your dad's arms
...

I love it when you try to nurse your dad
...

speaking of your dad... I hope you turn out just like him
...
I have never been so thankful for family. For just stopping by the house, for sweet text messages, for meals. It is amazing how they know exactly the right things to say to encourage and brighten our day
...

I remember how excited your dad was when the ultrasound tech said... "BOY!" and now seeing how he looks at you... ah it is too much!
...
you have a little old man face, and it is so funny!
...

the first time I looked at the clock today it was 6 am. The second time was 3 pm. All I can remember doing is nursing?
...

sometimes I'm nervous... am I doing this right? but mostly excited... I've never seen anything in the world so absolutely amazing as you
...

Lord, give us strength... today was hard
...
you have an amazing man to look up to. God has given you the world's best dad
...
you are so strong... you can lift your head up when you're on your tummy and you are only 5 weeks old!
...

I am humbled by all the people saying they are praying for us
...

drumroll... you slept for 5 hours last night!
...
the sweet friends that have come to visit have been my saving grace countless times
...
I pray you have the most wonderful of friends
...
you are beyond cute. that button nose, those teeny toes, that fuzzy head
...
you are the best thing ever


There you have it. Just a sampling of what motherhood has looked like for me so far. Second only to marrying the love of my life, it is safe to say this is the most incredible journey we are on. And to be able to do it alongside my best friend? It is such a privilege. I keep reminding myself of the comforting quote: "God does not called the equipped, but he equips all those He calls."


Yep, we love you Pax man.

-sarah